When you are talking to yourself, is there anyone listening?

Do you often find yourself chatting with your inner voice? If yes, you are not the only one. Inner dialogue refers to speaking words in one's own voice, and according to some estimations, people spend one fourth of their life engaged in an inner dialogue. 

While talking to ourselves, we still preserve some dynamics of social exchange by engaging in an internal dialogue similar to conversing with another person. In that sense, someone - an imaginary person - is listening to our inner conversations. Inner talk has a substantial role in creation of ourselves and meaningful autobiographical narratives are constructed through inner speech. We may repeatedly narrate our life story through inner speech, gradually building new memories and interpretations. This process is essential for acknowledging and accepting our past.

Inner speech is also useful for cognitive functioning such as planning actions, setting goals, and thinking creatively. It also improves self-regulation by helping to control emotions, to heighten self-compassion, or to increase emotional flexibility. Children are often engaged in playing with their imaginary friends which, in turn, promotes inner talk. Developmental psychologist Lev Vygotsky suggests that inner speech in early childhood evolves from external speech provided by caregivers, which aids children in regulating their own actions and emotions. Another benefit of inner talk is enhanced self-awareness, which, in turn, helps recognizing automatic patterns of behavior or thought.

Thus, inner talk is definitely something useful for our cognitive and emotional well-being. Inner speech may, however, result in extensive negative  or anxious repetitive speech (rumination) when the person dwells on the same thoughts over and over to the point that it disrupts well-being. We might all recognize these repetitive patterns of thoughts – usually happening during the night.

In his book “Chatter” psychologist Ethan Kross describes both positive and negative effects of inner talk on our well-being. He also gives some advice on how to get rid of negative internal talk. First, distancing and stepping black helps to observe a difficult situation from a new or a broader perspective. Second, reframing the situation as a challenge rather than a difficulty may help us to realize that we have resources that can be used to handle the situation. Normalization of the situation also helps to understand that we are usually not alone in our experiences. Finally, we can become curious about our bodily responses—such as rapid breathing and an increased heartbeat—and explore the possibility of reinterpreting these reactions.

What internal narrative often disrupts your sleep in the middle of the night? Do you notice any recurring patterns or circular thoughts like worries or regrets in your thinking? How would you describe the voice quality of your inner speech?

Reference and further reading:

Kross, E. (2021). Chatter: The voice in our head, why it matters, and how to harness it. Crown.

Verhaeghen, P., & Mirabito, G. (2021). When you are talking to yourself, is anybody listening? The relationship between inner speech, self-awareness, wellbeing, and multiple aspects of self-regulation. International Journal of Personality Psychology, 7, 8-24.

Fernyhough, C., & Borghi, A. M. (2023). Inner speech as language process and cognitive tool. Trends in cognitive sciences.